The right to ridicule is far more important to society than any right not to be ridiculed because one in my view represents openness—and the other represents oppression__Rowan Atkinson.
I enjoy doling out unsolicited advice despite knowing nobody wants it. But bad habits die hard, so recently I started musing about what sane advice could I offer to prominent political and business leaders…for fear of arrest, Mamta Didi is excluded from the list.
Rahul Gandhi: Fifty-two is not a bad score considering that last time it was only 44. You have indeed come a long way from the days when people used to call you Papu. However, there’s still a long way to go because reaching a level of maturity takes its own time. Now that elections are over and you are quitting from the post of Congress chief, why not join the London School of Economics (LSE)? It’s never too late to learn; after all, your NYAY would have done a ghor anyay (gross injustice) to the Indian economy and it’s all about the economy, stupid!
Naresh Goyal (Founder of Jet Airways): Hope that your jet lag is over by now. Here’s another opportunity to start an alternative career and make a comeback…just heard from some reliable sources that Piyush Pandey is searching for a new face to cast in the next Fevicol ad.
Narender Modi: It’s great that you have learned to fly fighter planes. But since the smoke has started emanating from the Rafale fighter jet, go and take a lesson from Wing Commander Abhinandan in using ejection seats and parachute jumping. In an emergency, it might help you survive and make a safe landing back on earth…remember that black swan sightings are far more frequent than assumed. Anyway, congrats and best of luck for the second innings!
“Any country where there is no freedom of speech is no more than a Kingdom of Animals where only the powerful speaks!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan
Ravi Parthasarathy (Ex-IL&FS Boss): You indeed deserve accolades for riding an elephant in the desert. But now that chickens are coming home to roost; you might be next after Nimo and Vijay Mallya. And since time is short, you better start ticking off your bucket list from today itself.
Donald Trump: You score very low on EQ & SQ. Why not plan a visit to India? This would be a nice opportunity to learn a lesson or two from PM Modi about winning the second time and also attend a discourse on Geeta by Swami Sukhabodhananda.
Mark Zuckerberg: Despite being one of the richest men on this planet, you seem to be stressed out on account of multiple regulatory pressures. Don’t worry, there’s one simple solution to all your troubles. Why not let the whole world peep into your private life? Let them know how serious you are about getting this dirty word ‘privacy’ removed from the lexicon.
Kamal Hassan: You are a veteran actor and filmmaker and did a great job in the iconic movie “Hey Ram”. But please understand that unlike cinematic histrionics, political histrionics is altogether a different ball game.
A.M. Naik (L&T Group Chairman): You have earned quite a reputation in the corporate world for transforming L&T into a world-class conglomerate. Now please don’t tarnish that image by donning the mantle of a Khalnayak and attempt a corporate rape of Mindtree. There is a high probability that either the tree will get uprooted or it might turn into a mindless zombie which can make it a lose-lose proposition for both. So keeping in view the above (and also your age), you are strongly advised to keep your libido under control.
Theresa May: As per the horoscope of Libra Zodiac sign, the month of May is especially bad for you as the stars are not aligned. Please consider changing your name from Theresa May to Theresa June or July. It can redefine your life and bring you luck. Anyway, please understand that Brexit is not a total failure. It will go down in the history books as the world’s last referendum. Now no nation will ever dare it again.
Jack Ma: There’s no doubt you are a great entrepreneur, a hard worker, a good husband, and an expert in everything from the Boardroom to the Bedroom. But you seem to have forgotten all numbers except 6 & 9, so why not go back to the classroom. This time not as a teacher but as a student to relearn basic counting skills. Alternatively, if you can’t spare time juggling between 996 and 669, just buy an abacus from Alibaba to practice counting from 1 to 9.
“To think is sacred; let every person think freely! To express what you think is sacred; let every person express his thought freely! If you do this, you prove that you are a conscientious and moral human being! If you don’t do this, you just declare yourself being fascist!”
― Mehmet Murat ildan
