The world we live in is a blend of objective reality and imagined reality. In this age of alternate facts and post-truth, the dividing line between fact and fiction is getting more blurred. With each passing day, it’s getting really tough to separate the wheat from the chaff. Take, for example, the conspiracy theories thriving online accusing Bill Gates of starting the virus outbreak.
When there are so many narratives floating around in the Covid-19 times, will it make any difference if I add some more prose? Here is the epic saga woven around a real and tiny–but mighty—virus that has brought the world to a standstill. This Coronavirus probe discovers a rich array of stories from diverse fields including mythology, economics, and politics.
1. The Golden Bird and The Helicopter: The story of the new economist
After a lot of cajoling by Modi to help in the fight against Covid-19, all the rich South Indian temples have agreed to loan a fraction of their gold holdings to the Government of India for 100 years. It will carry no interest and is expected to bring in around 2500 MT of gold bonanza to GoI. India has vast hidden wealth which is lying idle in temple vaults. This novel approach of gold monetization is a great strategic move of Modi to tackle the economic crisis caused by a tiny virus. The gold will be sold off in the open market at a subsidized rate and the largesse shall be distributed among the Indian populace to boost demand for other goods.
In the new variant of the helicopter money, all the CMs will ride a helicopter to drop Rs. 1,000 denomination currency notes in their respective states. The majority of cash shall be dropped in rural areas. To make sure there’s no stampede and people maintain social distancing during this exercise, the government will issue detailed guidelines. All the central banks and the IMF have praised Modi for this unconventional monetary stimulus with no threat of inflation.
2. The Old Story of Divinity: God getting fearful of people losing faith
Not being able to come to grips with the Corona crisis, and nobody to guide them as all religious places remain closed, people have started questioning the existence of God. This is giving jitters to the divinity. The Gods are trying in vain to convince the tiny virus to stop flexing its muscles.
Taking undue advantage of its bargaining power, the mighty virus has laid down some onerous conditions for putting an end to this war with homo-sapiens. “It wants a UN resolution endorsing the simple biological fact that humans have evolved just like other animal species and are not the creation of God and hence have no right to special status. So, in order to create a scientific worldview, the words theism, anthropocentrism, and humanism should be removed from the Oxford English Dictionary. This needs to be done before the next meet so as to create a conducive atmosphere for continued negotiations,” said one God, speaking on condition of anonymity.
The second and the most formidable demand is to put a halt to the ever-growing economic pie because it is shrinking the pie of all other species including the tiny virus. This, in turn, will require, above all else, publishing the revised edition of Adam Smith’s book ‘The Wealth of Nations’ and renaming it ‘The Wealth of Nature’.
The third and the last demand is to erect a world’s tallest statue in its honor made of pure gold and double the height of the Statue of Unity. It is to be named ‘The Statue of Golden Corona’.
3. The Story of The New Imperialist: Hindi Chinni Bhai Bhai
After much coaxing and cajoling by the Pakistan and Nepal—its new allies—China has finally confessed that Coronavirus is a biological weapon. It is specially designed as a part of its multi-pronged strategy to end the US hegemony and expand the Chinese empire. The collapse of European hegemony paved the way for U.S. hegemony. Similarly, the end of America’s dadagiri will usher in a great new era for Chinese dadagiri.
It has become necessary to adapt the traditional tianxia (all-under-heaven) world view to give shape to its vision of a universal world order legitimated by Heaven itself. This will also make socialism with Chinese characteristics a new model for the world political economy. Thus China—the most divine nation on Earth—will help usher in a new reign of universal harmony and tackle global issues like climate change.
To cut the long story short, this 2019 Corona expedition could do for China what Captain James Cook 1768 voyage did for the British empire.
4. The Booze Story: India facing an acute shortage of alcohol
Paradoxically, wine market growth is being fostered by the tiny virus, while most other businesses are struggling to survive. There’s a big spike in alcohol sales around the world. The environment of uncertainty caused by the Black Swan event is increasing the cases of depression among people. This, in turn, is resulting in a huge spike in the demand for the antidepressant drug.
In India, there’s a three-fold jump in per capita consumption of liquor. And, being the second-largest consumer of booze in the world behind China, India is staring at a severe shortage of alcohol. The Big State has invoked the Essential Commodities Act (ECA) to ensure there is no hoarding and Legal Metrology Act to put a lid on price.
To meet the shortfall, GoI is also considering legalizing the consumption of marijuana for recreational purposes. Further, on increasing public pressure, many Indian states where prohibition is in place are planning to lift the ban. It will not only ease the psychological pain caused by the novel Coronavirus but also ease the financial pain caused by a shortfall in GST revenues. Currently, more than 10% of state taxes come from liquor sales.
Among the other measures being contemplated are introducing booze rationing and giving tax incentives to boost local manufacturing of country liquor (Desi Daru). Delhi CM, Mr. Arvind Kejriwal is expected to raise this issue during the next video conference of State CMs with PM Modi.
5. The Great Indian Migration Story
Modi praised the reverse migration while delivering his Sunday sermons. He said that it will decongest the cities and give a big boost to the rural economy. This is indeed a blessing in disguise for the urban infrastructure. The prime minister further elaborated that there’s nothing special about migration. After all, all animals including birds migrate long distances in search of food.
But nevertheless, to show solidarity with the migrant workers returning home on foot, this time PM Modi has requested all Indians to take an afternoon walk for 20 minutes at 20 minutes past 2 on the 20th day of June 2020.
6. The Great Indian Opposition: Story of Jumla Raja and the Papu
To oppose the mishandling of the coronavirus crisis by the Jumla Raja, all the opposition parties have united under the leadership of Papu. They have called for a Bharat bandh on 31st May 2021.
7. The Game of Hide-and-Seek
In the corona times, everyone—not just the tiny virus— is playing the game of hide and seek. Kids are playing with puppies. The government is playing with the data. The shopkeepers are playing with the police. The tenants are playing with landlords. The customers are playing with retailers. And, borrowers are playing with the lenders.
8. The Legislative Story
The following legislations are expected to be passed in the forthcoming monsoon session of the parliament:
a. Amendment to IPC: GoI is considering the possibility of amending the Indian Penal Code, 1860 to define the non-carrying of a smartphone with Aarogya Setu App as a penal offense.
b. Internet Marriage Act, 2020: India to become the first nation to introduce the law for virtual weddings. Henceforth, all marriages—including those under the Special Marriage Act, 1954—in India to be solemnized under Internet Marriage Act only. The virtual rituals may take place through Zoom, a video conferencing app, and must be live-streamed on Facebook.
c. Amendment in IT Act: According to the latest findings of WHO (World Health Organization) the cash transactions play a key role in the fast transmission of coronavirus. Therefore, India is planning to abolish the paper currency and is set to become the first nation to introduce digital rupee which will make India a truly cashless society. It will also help complete the unfinished agenda of demonetization.
9. The Story of De-citizenisation
In yet another proposal, GoI is seriously considering utilizing the detention centers built for the purpose of detaining illegal migrants in India. Now that the CAA (Citizenship Amendment Act, 2019) and NRC (National Register of Citizens) have been put into the backburner, the detention camps are lying vacant. Therefore, to make their optimum use, the government is considering stripping all asymptomatic persons of their citizenship and putting them into detention centers for a period of six months. In case they are still found Corona positive after six months, they will be declared persona non-grata and deported to China.
10. The Stale Business Story
According to medical experts, strengthening our body’s immune system is the best way to protect against the novel coronavirus. A strong immune system, in turn, requires a well-nourished diet, i.e., a diet high in fats, salts, and sugar. And, according to food science, the best source of a balanced and healthy diet is packaged and commercially prepared foods. There are some specific processed foods and beverages that have been clinically proven to boost the immune system. The list includes sweetened beverages (sodas, energy drinks, fruits drinks, etc), breakfast cereals, ketchup, sauces, soups, syrups, bread, cookies, noodles, canned fruits, snack foods, fried foods, pickles, salad dressings, sweets, cakes, pastries, jams, ice-creams, etc.
11. The Confession of Jumla Raja
Speaking to The Idionomist, Modi confessed that the economy is far more important than life. Besides, the stated objective behind the premature opening of the lockdown is to reach the top spot of the medal tally in the ongoing Coronavirus Games 2019. Having overtaken the United Kingdom, India has already climbed to the fourth position and is expected to reach the milestone in the next two months. Though he clarified that once we win the gold, the GoI will surely reconsider the decision and might again go for a complete shut-down of all economic activities. But, this time the total lock-down will be for a minimum period of six months, and even essential services will be barred.
Stay tuned for the latest stories from the Corona Times!
Also Read:
- Life is Neither Black Nor White: It’s Many Shades of Grey
- The New Abnormal: Post-Corona Business World
